Hayden Lee you are my heartbeat ♥

Dear Hayden,

You won't understand any of this as perhaps you will never have a chance to know grandad and myself real well. We would have been a blessing to your parents if we had the chance. And that's fine. The loss is their own.

I could wish you were the grandson of a grandma that you can get close to but I'm not we were not given that opportunity. The best I can manage is to be an honest one and tell you as much as I can about our love for you.

I've tried very hard to keep our family together over the years. It's a hard thing to do when it’s so one sided. Your mother is such a beautiful looking women   she was the apple of my eye, I have never missed a single thing in her life of her development from a child in to a woman, and as she was growing up I have not missed one step she made as a growing child. I loved her so very much Hayden.

Now I am looking at you Hayden lee her “SON” and it’s like double love for you because of my love for her. You will not understand any of this until you have your own children and you your self have grandchildren.

You'll learn all of this in time. Right now, I'm just hoping you get the chance to be a kid. You deserve that chance. It's up to us to let you do that.

Still, there are a few things you should know.

First, stay sceptical. When someone tells you something is so, it's up to them to prove it to you. Keep your eyes open; you never know when someone will try and pull a fast one. In the end, once something has been proven beyond reasonable doubt, at least you have some idea that it's going to work in the real world. At that point, you have something that works.

I'm not trying to bust your bubble, at least not this early. I just want you to have something you can rely on. Fairy tales are fine, but only as long as you can remember that they're fairy tales. And while we can learn a lot from them, we learn a lot more once we get a look at the world as it really is.

Please, though, don't lose your imagination. Some of the greatest minds in the world have been some of the most imaginative. You need to have your opportunities to go out and slay dragons.
You need to dream. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

And while I'm on the subject, don't let anyone take your dreams from you. They are yours and yours alone.. You need to live your life the way you want to.

But, please, Hayden, don't tell me you have to make your own mistakes. You don't have to do that. Learn from the mistakes of others. You'll make plenty of mistakes in your life, and that's without repeating those the rest of us have made. You can live a better life than we have. Please, do that for us.

Just remember: when you make a mistake, the best thing you can do is pick yourself up, stand on your own two feet, and say, "I blew it." Trust me; it's hard as hell to do, but you'll be a better man if you can do it. Your pride will take a beating, but it's better than the alternative.

Still, it's no mistake to get out and experience what's out there. I've never travelled something I wanted to do I bet it’s so much fun. Maybe, with some luck, we can travel together or just go on a holiday. If not you may do it on your own, and I have to tell you, you'll make it a lot easier if you're travelling with friends. I'm hoping you get the chance to make as many as you can. I've never met the person who had too many friends in their life.

They might not seem like friends, sometimes. The test of a true friend is the person who likes you enough to plant his foot in where you are and sit down with you when you need it, and will stay with you through it. (Unfortunately, you'll encounter lots of people who will be aiming their toes at your backside. Learn from each encounter what you can. Your friends will be there to help you back onto your feet. The rest of them? Don't waste your time thinking about them.)

The truth is, Hayden, I have to tell you this while I have the chance. There are lots and lots of times when I am on my own and the only thing I can do is think of you and how I love to play all sorts of games with you and how you run to me and give me a big hug and now a kiss also as you are bigger. And I'll be thinking of you all the time my baby my Hayden Lee my wonderful grandson.

My Darling in spite of all the mistakes I've made in my own life, I've learned that by doing simple things early on, I can prevent a lot of problems later. Do the right thing often and early, and you are able to keep yourself out of trouble.

I want you to be a good man when you grow up. You can do this. You have so many of us pulling for you to do just that. And when you make a mistake, I won't love you any less. I just want you to know that when I can, I'll be there to pull you up onto your feet.

I'm 55 years now, Hayden and by the time you grow up if I am still around and I don’t know if I can tell you all this so I am telling you now... I made mistakes in my life, and I didn't have too many people who were there to pull me up to my feet. I want so much better for you.

The time will come when I won't be able to be there. I won't be coming back. I just want you to have the best I can give you while I have the chance to give it. And I do this because I love you.

Your granny