Hayden Lee you are my heartbeat ♥

Dear Hayden,

You won't understand any of this as perhaps you will never have a chance to know grandad and myself real well. We would have been a blessing to your parents if we had the chance. And that's fine. The loss is their own.

I could wish you were the grandson of a grandma that you can get close to but I'm not we were not given that opportunity. The best I can manage is to be an honest one and tell you as much as I can about our love for you.

I've tried very hard to keep our family together over the years. It's a hard thing to do when it’s so one sided. Your mother is such a beautiful looking women   she was the apple of my eye, I have never missed a single thing in her life of her development from a child in to a woman, and as she was growing up I have not missed one step she made as a growing child. I loved her so very much Hayden.

Now I am looking at you Hayden lee her “SON” and it’s like double love for you because of my love for her. You will not understand any of this until you have your own children and you your self have grandchildren.

You'll learn all of this in time. Right now, I'm just hoping you get the chance to be a kid. You deserve that chance. It's up to us to let you do that.

Still, there are a few things you should know.

First, stay sceptical. When someone tells you something is so, it's up to them to prove it to you. Keep your eyes open; you never know when someone will try and pull a fast one. In the end, once something has been proven beyond reasonable doubt, at least you have some idea that it's going to work in the real world. At that point, you have something that works.

I'm not trying to bust your bubble, at least not this early. I just want you to have something you can rely on. Fairy tales are fine, but only as long as you can remember that they're fairy tales. And while we can learn a lot from them, we learn a lot more once we get a look at the world as it really is.

Please, though, don't lose your imagination. Some of the greatest minds in the world have been some of the most imaginative. You need to have your opportunities to go out and slay dragons.
You need to dream. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

And while I'm on the subject, don't let anyone take your dreams from you. They are yours and yours alone.. You need to live your life the way you want to.

But, please, Hayden, don't tell me you have to make your own mistakes. You don't have to do that. Learn from the mistakes of others. You'll make plenty of mistakes in your life, and that's without repeating those the rest of us have made. You can live a better life than we have. Please, do that for us.

Just remember: when you make a mistake, the best thing you can do is pick yourself up, stand on your own two feet, and say, "I blew it." Trust me; it's hard as hell to do, but you'll be a better man if you can do it. Your pride will take a beating, but it's better than the alternative.

Still, it's no mistake to get out and experience what's out there. I've never travelled something I wanted to do I bet it’s so much fun. Maybe, with some luck, we can travel together or just go on a holiday. If not you may do it on your own, and I have to tell you, you'll make it a lot easier if you're travelling with friends. I'm hoping you get the chance to make as many as you can. I've never met the person who had too many friends in their life.

They might not seem like friends, sometimes. The test of a true friend is the person who likes you enough to plant his foot in where you are and sit down with you when you need it, and will stay with you through it. (Unfortunately, you'll encounter lots of people who will be aiming their toes at your backside. Learn from each encounter what you can. Your friends will be there to help you back onto your feet. The rest of them? Don't waste your time thinking about them.)

The truth is, Hayden, I have to tell you this while I have the chance. There are lots and lots of times when I am on my own and the only thing I can do is think of you and how I love to play all sorts of games with you and how you run to me and give me a big hug and now a kiss also as you are bigger. And I'll be thinking of you all the time my baby my Hayden Lee my wonderful grandson.

My Darling in spite of all the mistakes I've made in my own life, I've learned that by doing simple things early on, I can prevent a lot of problems later. Do the right thing often and early, and you are able to keep yourself out of trouble.

I want you to be a good man when you grow up. You can do this. You have so many of us pulling for you to do just that. And when you make a mistake, I won't love you any less. I just want you to know that when I can, I'll be there to pull you up onto your feet.

I'm 55 years now, Hayden and by the time you grow up if I am still around and I don’t know if I can tell you all this so I am telling you now... I made mistakes in my life, and I didn't have too many people who were there to pull me up to my feet. I want so much better for you.

The time will come when I won't be able to be there. I won't be coming back. I just want you to have the best I can give you while I have the chance to give it. And I do this because I love you.

Your granny

After Christmas 2010

Hello my darling Hayden. As I told you I will update you on how Christmas day was 2010. In spite of everything it wasn't to bad, you and your mum and dad came over and your aunty Jess was here with her partner.We had many presents for you , and at first you were real quiet and not sure of things, but you often did this (quiet at first ) and as you relaxed you start to enjoy your self, I have my own theory to why you did this but that is not important at the moment. You and your mum and dad came over the next day and staid the night and this is the first time I have seen just how much you have grown up as you plaid so beautifully and rode your three wheeler bike we just bought you ,it was so amazing and you were so so happy. The rest is a history .I love you my baby my Hayden Lee with all of my heart for ever and ever, I hope you always do well and you will never be controlled by anyone and you will be free to be the beautiful you that I can see in your spirit as a young man. When you read this please look at your life and ask your self am I totally free and confident to be me and not worry about anything anyone says and if you feel in anyway that you are not free no mater from what , please find out why and free your self.

My darling the joy you brought in to my life I can not describe and the way that you love to be with me and grandad is just magic, the way you put your little hand out for us to hold and walk around with you is just heart melting, my baby boy we loved every minute of it, there was nothing that grandad and I would have rather done than spend time with you. Right at this time of your life you are just so full of questions about everything so you would just grab our hand and go around and point to everything and ask the question ; WHATS THAT and on and on to different things . Agh and you just loved lights at this stage of your life , so for Christmas we put as many lights up as we could ( JUST FOR YOU ) so your little eyes can see and be amazed.   Hayden Hayden Lee , some would say that me especially was to obsessed  with you , if I was its because I totally was if you call it obsession I just loved you so much and loved being with you and seeing you grow and help you learn and be there when ever I was needed. The joy a grandchild brings is just unreal but sometimes that gets taken away for one reason or another.

Hayden lee Nothing is more precious then watching your face light up when you play with us.

We love you our baby Hayden Lee.

Family is who we look to when we need help. We expect our parents to raise us, our grandparents to love us, and our brothers and sisters to always be there for us when the chips are down. They are our blood and we depend on that connection. When a family member doesn't live up to our expectations we feel abandoned. When a parent, grandparent or older brother or sister puts their needs in front of our own, we feel abandoned and alone. In such a case, we are likely to feel sad, alone and angry.Life is full of sunrises Hayden and you just don't know where the disappointment will come from so learn how to rely on your own abilities for everything and what you get from friends and family is an extra blessing but not your life recourse.

Hayden we will take you to dreamworld soon can not wait for that. ( Your first time )

Take care my darling my little man.
I love you Hayden Lee.

Day Befor Christmas

My dearest grandson Hayden Lee
A day before Christmas and I was so looking forewords to it , we bought you lots of toys and you favoured one that you didn’t want to part from at the shopping centre when grandad and I took you shopping to see what you will go for mostly. 

Hayden I am finding it a little hard to write to you today as I feel so worn out from the constant fight on my hands to be able to be a part of your life.  I will just say this today and let you know what my wish is and I hope that happens for me and if it doesn’t I hope you get to read this and know just how much I loved you and how much I wanted to be a part your life . I wish that I would still be around when you are big enough or old enough so we can talk and so that you would be able to get to know me and to make up your own mind about me. My darling grandson Hayden  my heart bleeds when I think of you and the possibility that I may not be around so you can get to know me and perhaps others will tell you about me and you form the wrong impression of me my little darling my Hayden Lee. If I happen not to be here, I would like you to find your aunty Jessica and ask her all about me, she will tell you, she is a lovely person and a very honest one and very devoted to her family. 

My baby boy still today is Friday the 24th December 2010 a day before Christmas and I will get to see you tomorrow, I hope and pray that we will all have a great day and then I will write again to let you know how it was. 

I love you forever and ever 

Haydens Adventure

Hello my Grandad

Proud Grandmother - my experience

My reaction to hearing I will be a grandmother  

As soon as my daughter found out she was pregnant I knew it was meant to be even if she wasn’t married, that didn’t even come to mind. It was like: wow my grandchild is arriving.

She at first got scared, but didn’t take her long to totally embrace motherhood (something like 3 days) and she changed her lifestyle to soot the baby she was caring.

Unfortunately her dad took it a little hard but also only for a while. It was not that he didn’t want the baby just had other plans for his daughter. Now it’s quite the opposite he loves him so much!

Me I just didn’t know if I was ready for those words “grandmother. I was sort of thinking I was too young to be a gray haired knitting type grandmother I never liked the word grandmother. (Now I am a proud grandmother and proud to be called grandmother. I was really happy for my daughter; we did lots of shopping for the baby and enjoyed every minute of her pregnancy, she was happy healthy and nesting.

Over the coming weeks we got so excited, my daughters tummy gradually got bigger and bigger, I watched her, sitting back, observing, taking it in – something I only thought about might happen in past in the back of my mind on quiet days, now I was watching her in reality: PREGNANT.

The baby was so active every night in her tummy and I would sit with her and touch her tummy, talk to the baby and even sing, while he was still in his mother’s tummy. Now that he is here I sing to him all the time. I love him so much.

We later found out it was going to be a little boy. This was something I was able to relate to my first was a boy and it seemed time had stood still for me. Her pregnancy seemed to mirror me and how I felt during my pregnancy with her except she never got sick.

So many thoughts and feelings overcame me “feelings that I had never had before. I had come to a new phase in my life “and as much as I looked forward to that bundle coming “

I guess every grandmother will have a different and fascinating story, and this was mine.
Now my little grandson is here, now 4 months old, I marvel at his beauty and perfection.

He is finally here. I am a grandmother!!! It is different feeling I would die for this new little bundle, this, new little person being from one of my own children.

I love my little grandson so very much and I am very proud of the mother and woman my daughter has become. The difference is I have to hand this baby back and although it is good sometimes, times like at night, it’s a hard thing to do I want to be with him and see every move he makes just like I did with my daughter when she was a baby.

I know part of me has to stand back and let my daughter experience this new phase of her life too.


Jump Jump My Little Man

My bouncing baby I love you so much. My hart leaps when I see you even when I see you on a photograph.

I Love you my grandson, you make me laugh when you do your jumping jumping so fast and your eyes light up as you are doing it knowing you are doing something everyone thinking is so cute.

My heart is filled with love for you Hayden, You have eyes that show kindness and you will be a kind and good man when you grow up, don’t bend under peer pressure and let it rob you of your beauty that you possess. Be good to your mummy she loves you so much and she was the best mum to you.

My Grandson...

With open arms and an open heart I hope you will always be true to yourself. Don't be swayed by society or peer pressure may you shine in everything you do and overcome all obstacles in your way. May you always know that I am here for you forever and always.
I wish you a life full of happiness you so greatly deserve.  May you grow up embracing life instead of trying to run from it. I love you my grandson my Hayden Lee with all my heart.

My arms ache to hold your tiny little body, massage your little legs and feet while you look so relaxed. I love you my little Hayden with all my hart every day for ever.

Christmas was so wonderful because of you, new life, and new beginnings.

I miss you my little love.

Prayer for Hayden

 My darling Hayden
I pray to God that today you will have a magic day filed with comfit and joy.
May you sleep well eat well, play well and most of all feel real happy and smiling.

I love you my grandson.

I pray a blessing on these words of mine that the lord above will use and make it happen for you.
You are always in my thoughts my grandson Hayden Lee forever.

You’re Granma

For you my wanderful grandson Hayden Lee

Like an angel you came in to our lives, most precious little man.
Never in million years did I even dream you will bring such joy to my heart and my soul.

Hayden Lee a baby of my precious daughter Jade that I also adore with all my hart.

Looking in to your little eyes and your tiny face , your cheeks and your curled up little chin that everyone recons is like mine , just melts my hart and brings tears to my eyes to have been so blessed with an angel like you.My darling one day you will read this and you will know how deeply you were loved by your grandmother.Your mother was also loved by me beyond what words can describe . I guess God has made it this way that we can experience such love second time around well at least i did.

I am not a writer so this is not perfect wording and its not meant to be its just an expression of my love for you my darling boy.

I love you Hayden Lee with all my hart.

Your grandma

Another Letter to My Grandson Hayden Lee

By the time you read this you will be a big boy.
I know you will be kind, funny, wise, sensitive, interesting, and a ball of fire!
Your mother is all of these things.

I know you will be strong and a warm huger. Your mother was and still is.

I wish you happy, happy, days! You will have some bad days, yes.
They are important so you can appreciate the good ones.

There will be disappointments; I know you will be able to handle them. Grandma always says, "Life is 10% of what happens and 90% how you handle it.

I love you my grandson my Hayden lee and;
I pray you learn about humility.

Please always let an outsider feel inside, and always, always, be kind.
I always wanted to do that, make people feel safe.

I hope you learn that honesty is the best policy, and that doing hard days work will always make you feel better.

Be a loyal friend, one people can count on and trust.
I hope you put all of these wonderful things you possess to make yourself and the world around you a better place to live in.

There’s nothing too good for you to possess, nor heights where you cannot go:
Your power is more than belief or guess - It is something you must know.

So, Grandson, there is nothing to fear - you can and you will.
For you are the invincible you. Set your foot on the highest hill -because there’s nothing you cannot do.

Hayden you must believe this as my heart is all for you and I will only ever tell you the truth about you and the life you are in about to explore.

Please learn about the “God Stuff”, it really works, trust me, without him I would not be able to enjoy you and have you my baby boy, my Hayden Lee. My gift

You have such a wonderful mother, she also was and is  my gift and she will be the one to teach you all the good things in life and allot of things she has seen me do and how close me and her were and you and her will be also.

Oh and remember how to play, for you are in for a loving time.

I hope we will be close always and I want you to remember that I will always be here for you and my spirit will always be young so that I can relate to you my grandson my Hayden Lee.

By the time you read this I may not be around anymore you would have already developed your sweet and wonderful self that your grandma would be proud of and is and will be forever in this life and the next my grandson my darling my Hayden Lee.

You are my gift from God.

You’re Grandma

Hello again my darling Hayden

I haven’t been writing on regular bases, so many things happened in the mean time.I tried with all my mite to get our family to interact and to have some degree of functionality.

I think that to some degree I have achieved that but it’s not as I would have hoped for my little man.
One day you will know what I meant by this.

Every day I still wake up with you on my mind and what you are doing and how you are coping with so many changes in your life.

I pray to God every day and every moment that he will watch over you and protect you and shelter you from any damage or any confusion that you may experience in your little life as you are growing up and learn about this big new world you are in.

My darling you came over this weekend and grandad and I just enjoyed you so much, you plaid so beautifully and did a grandad dance with grandad and he just loved it so much as he loves you so much also.

You stayd the night (30/10/2010) and we got up early in the morning, had breakfast and took you for a drive because you rely love granddads big car, you can see everything as you are sitting in the middle and up high in your baby sit, I always sit in the back with you also and we talk all the way, well we talk baby talk and sing baby songs.

Then We went to bunnings and there I took you to a playground and you loved it coz you got to go on a big children’s slide and all the bigger children tied to make friends with you and talk to you but they didn’t realise that you are still a baby( ha ha ).

The times grandad and I have with you are so special and every moment counts as every moment with you is treasured and pressures, every time you say a new word or do a new thing it is so important to us and we love to see it. Grandad and I have special language that we talk to each other when we talk about you and its one with such fun and cute ways and so much loving and in our conversation we say gwany to each other as if you are saying it.

I LOVE YOU my grandson my HAYDEN LEE with all my heart. I love your beautiful eyes and your sideways cheeky smile when you smile at me. I love your little legs that pip from underneath the long shorts you mother puts you in.

I know it will be a long time until you can read this or even understand what I am telling you but I know one day you will.

Darling please always remember this; resist negative thinking, which includes jealousy, hate and discontent, they just make you restless and unhappy and contribute to a cycle of unhappiness around you. Remember that your choices will create your successes and your failures. So consider all the pathways ahead, and decide which ones to follow. Then believe in yourself, get up, and get going, most important of all: never give up on yourself. The person that ends up a winner is the one who resolves to win. Give life everything you've got, and life will give its best back to you.

It seems like another life when I read stories to your mother and her younger sister and sing them lullabies. I can’t wait to read you stories and sing bedtime songs to you. We’ll sing, read, paint and go to the park. At the park, we’ll run around and go on slides and take walks, that we already do but only short ones as you are only 15 months old and you get so tied fast. And when we return home, tired, I will serve your favorite delicacies. Right now I don’t know which ones but I will find out soon enough.

My grandson my Hayden Lee you have brought such miracle thing in my life and your granddads that we never knew that another child can bring apart from your mother and your unties. Baby boy our joy our miracle.

My cherished grandson I will try to write as often as I can and I hope that my letters and notes will not somehow be lost and you never read any of my words to you.

I love you my grandson my Hayden Lee forever.

You grandma.

Dear Hayden

My grandson Hayden

Words cannot explain, my love for you my baby my Hayden Lee

You have brought joy to my life that I have only had when your mother and your unties were babies,

All over again I feel alive when I am with you and I love to share playtimes and silly moments with you, just to see your face that lets me know you had fun.

I love when you repeat what I say and you laugh at clown things that I do when I am with you, I love you my grandson my Hayden lee.

I am so grateful that I was able to be at your first birthday and see you enjoy your toys.

I pray my darling that all your days will be filed with God’s blessings and happiness, smiles and comfort my baby boy.

Hayden you have a face of an angel, you will be a strong yet a kind and gentle man when you grow up, I know because I can see it in you my little love, and you will be a blessing to your parents and bring joy to my heart.

To have a child from a child you adore is a gift from God and the ultimate blessing.

Hayden one day you will read this and you will know how much your grandmother loves you, not that you don’t already know but you will know it on a deeper level.

I pray that your day while I am away and cannot see you, that you eat well, sleep well, play well and you have happiness in your heart.

I love you my baby my Hayden lee

Your grandma

Letter to Hayden


My Darling Hayden

I am writing this so you will always know how much I loved you , when you grow up I want you to know that your grandmother would have spend every moment with you plying and laughing , and watch you grow.

My darling all I wanted is to be behind your parents not in front of them and just see you grow up you are so special to me.

My grandson I hope that whatever is good in this world will come your way and you will be a blest young man with health happiness and good fortune you are the extension of your beautiful mother that I also so adored and felt the same for her, I thank God for you my grandson, but I grieve to know that you will not experience this closeness with me and grandad.

Darling I don’t care if the hall world knows how I feel, you are our grandson the first one the Joy of all grandparents.

"One day, I want you to know how much I loved you". And this is what it's about. We just want to leave that legacy behind, you know, that is our legacy to say, "We loved you, we always loved you, we will never give up on wanting to show you what extended families are, like grandparents.

As I am writing this my grandson I have tears in my eyes and look at your sweet face in the photograph my arms long to hold you and I long to again sing to you and put you to sleep as you gaze in my eyes like you study everything I say to you, greater joy than that I don’t know apart from the one I had for your mother and your unties when they were little.

Don’t ever get influenced by people that are around you. to think we were not there and that we didn’t love you my grandson we grieved and ached for you as we ache for your mother.

When you grow up and if we are still around we will look you up and you can come of your own free will to us and we can start a new relationship no mater were you are in the world. Just make every effort to do this please Hayden.

My baby boy my grandson I want to ask God through my letters that he today will bless you and keep you in his safe arms and that you will learn something special today , may you feel God’s presence and peace on you and all extended love from us through the power of God that can make you know that and feel that.

I love you my grandson my Hayden lee forever.

You’re Granma